20140630

A collection of post election jokes


Tide and Rin have competition from Congress. Itni zabardast dhulai hui hai. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

There is a great Rahul Gandhi wave in the country... Everyone is waving him good bye. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Congress: "Rahul-baba, jahan bhi ho, ghar aa jao. Mata aur behen dono pareshan hai. Koi kuchh nahi kahega; sari jimmedari Manmohan-uncle ne li hain. Jaldi aa jao, bas." 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Sonia and Rahul should not resign. Otherwise, Congress may recover. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Manmohan Singh's wife goes to Sonia Gandhi's house... To get the remote control back. 

"Why  is  the mute button worn out?" asks Mrs Singh. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Manmohan Singh went to the vegetable market, the morning following his resignation. 

Manmohan: Gobi kitne ki hai? 

Vendor: Bas kar, rulayega kya, pagle? Free hai, tere liye. Pehli baar aawaaz suni hai teri! 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Manmohan Singh begins work on his autobiography titled, "5 Mistakes of My Life: 2G, 3G, Sonia G, Rahul G, and Rahul G ke Jija G". 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Congress ki samasya ye hai ki jo yuva josh Rahul Gandhi me hona chahiye woh Digvijay Singh me hai. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Ab to Congress ke bhi achche din aane wale hain. 

ND Tiwari ke baad, Digvijay Singh bhabhi laane wale hain. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Girlfriend: Jaanu, aaj milte hain. 

Boyfriend: Kahan milna hai? 

Girlfriend: Koi sunsaan si jagah, jahan koi na ho. 

Boyfriend: Thik hai, fir ek ghante me Congress Head Office me milte hain. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Arvind Kejriwal got more slaps than seats! 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Even Tata Nano has more seats than the Aam Admi Party! 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Arvind Kejriwal says that Aam Janata has also become corrupt. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Modi: How many seats did you get? 

Nitish: 2 seats. 

Modi: I also got 2 seats. One from Vadodara and one from Varanasi. What are you going to do next? 

Nitish: Resign as CM of my state. 

Modi: Me too! LOL. 

Nitish: Phone rakh tu, saale. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Modi: Aao maje lete hai. 

Amit Shah: Woh kaise, bhai? 

Modi: Mayawati ko phone lagao aur poochho samarthan dengi? 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

A Gujju will do anything for a US VISA, even if that means becoming PM. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Obama: Congrats, Mr. Modi, for the victory. Now, let's talk about the VISA problem. 

Modi: There is no problem. You can apply for it online. We'll issue it. 

renukamanish@gmail.com 

Abhi parents ko sochna padega ki bacche ko chai ki dukan pe bhej ke Modi banana hai ya IIT me bhej ke Kejriwal. 
 

job analysis

 
Term of the Day

job analysis

Detailed examination of the (1) tasks (performance elements) that make up ajob (employee role), (2) conditions under which they are performed, and (3) what the job requires in terms of aptitudes (potential for achievement), attitudes(behavior characteristics), knowledgeskills, and the physical condition of the employee. Its objectives include (a) determination of the most efficient methodsof doing a job, (benhancement of the employee's job satisfaction, (c)improvement in training methods, (d) development of performancemeasurement systems, and (e) matching of job-specifications with the person-specifications in employee selectionComprehensive job analysis begins with the study of the organization itself: its purpose, design and ...
Learn more about this term
Usage Example
Before hiring someone for an open position, many HR managers conduct a job analysis to find out exactly what skills and traits are necessary for someone to succeed in the open position.
FacebookFacebookTwitterLinkedIn
 
Featured Article

What is a C Corporation?

A business can be set up in a variety of ways, ranging from a sole-proprietorship to a general partnership, an LLC to a corporation. Corporations are remarkably...
Read this article
 
Voice Your Opinion
 
BusinessDictionary Mobile
Download our App.
 

monopoly

 
Term of the Day

monopoly

Market situation where one producer (or a group of producers acting in concert)controls supply of a good or service, and where the entry of new producers is prevented or highly restrictedMonopolist firms (in their attempt to maximize profits) keep the price high and restrict the output, and show little or no responsiveness to the needs of their customers. Most governments therefore try to control monopolies by (1) imposing price controls, (2) taking over their ownership (called 'nationalization'), or (3) by breaking them up into two or more competing firms. Sometimes governments facilitate the creation of monopolies for reasons of national security, to realize economies of scale for competing internationally, or where two or more ...
Learn more about this term
Usage Example
Only one gas company existed in my town and therefore had a monopoly over the area's energy business.

collaboration

 
Term of the Day

collaboration

1. GeneralCooperative arrangement in which two or more parties (which may or may not have any previous relationshipwork jointly towards a common goal.
2. Knowledge management (KM): Effective method of transferring 'know how' among individuals, therefore critical to creating and sustaining a competitive advantage. Collaboration is a key tenet of KM.
3. NegotiationsConflict resolution strategy that uses both assertiveness andcooperation to seek solutions advantageous to all parties. It succeeds usually where the participantsgoals are compatible, and the interaction among them is important in attaining those goals.
Learn more about this term
Usage Example
Through collaboration the marketing manager and chief financial officer were able to create a plan that would bring success to the company without exceeding its set budget.

franchising

 
Today's issue is sponsored by Zenect Wealth:
Gold is Plummeting... What You Must Do NOW!
Zenect Wealth Research just released a FREE report. Discover secrets every investor MUST know about gold. Discover one IGNORED gold investment producing oversized results! Learn to invest and outperform even GOLD's phenomenal results.


Click HERE to get your FREE 12 page report now!
 
Term of the Day

franchising

Arrangement where one party (the franchisergrants another party (thefranchisee) the right to use its trademark or trade-name as well as certainbusiness systems and processes, to produce and market a good or serviceaccording to certain specifications. The franchisee usually pays a one-timefranchise fee plus a percentage of sales revenue as royalty, and gains (1) immediate name recognition, (2) tried and tested products, (3) standardbuilding design and decor, (4) detailed techniques in running and promoting thebusiness, (5) training of employees, and (6) ongoing help in promoting and upgrading of the products. The franchiser gains rapid expansion of business and earnings at minimum capital outlay.
Learn more about this term
Usage Example
If you are interested in franchising internationally and already have a large amount of capital, McDonald's Corporation is an option that has been successful for many years.
FacebookFacebookTwitterLinkedIn
 
Featured Article

Qualitative vs. Quantitative

When analyzing a company from an investment perspective it is important to assess it from both a qualitative and a quantitative perspective. So what does this...

organizational culture

 
Term of the Day

organizational culture

The values and behaviors that contribute to the unique social and psychologicalenvironment of an organization. Organizational culture includes an organization'sexpectationsexperiences, philosophy, and values that hold it together, and is expressed in its self-image, inner workings, interactions with the outside world, and future expectations. It is based on shared attitudesbeliefscustoms, and written and unwritten rules that have been developed over time and are considered valid. Also called corporate culture, it's shown in (1) the ways the organization conducts its business, treats its employeescustomers, and the wider community, (2) the extent to which freedom is allowed in decision making, developing new ideas, and personal ...
Learn more about this term
Usage Example
I ultimately turned down the job offer because the company's organizational culture did not seem to match my own values and attitude.
FacebookFacebookTwitterLinkedIn
 
Featured Article

Top 10 Cities to Work and Live In

Several decades ago, the greatest cities to work in the United States were obvious, classic choices - New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago or Detroit...
Read this article
 
Voice Your Opinion
 

scientific method

 
Term of the Day

scientific method

1. Problem solving: Step-by-step approach consisting of (1) identifying and defining a problem, (2) accumulating relevant data, (3) formulating a tentativehypothesis, (4) conducting experiments to test the hypothesis, (5) interpreting the results objectively, and (6) repeating the steps until an acceptable solution is found.
2. Sciences: Rigorous, systematic approach, designed to eliminate bias and other subjective influences in the search, identification, and measurement orvalidation of facts and cause-effect relationships, and from which scientific lawsmay be deduced.
Learn more about this term
Usage Example
The advertising team used a very thorough process of the scientific method to determine if its ads were effectively reaching the customers.
FacebookFacebookTwitterLinkedIn
 
Friday Quiz Challenge
Test your knowledge of this week's terms
Question:
This is a helpful measurement that can shed light on how volatile a stock is based on historical data.
Choose the Right Answer:
 
Featured Article

Developing a Winning Strategy

Coming up with a strong, winning strategy for your company should be the backbone of your business plan. Strategies for each kind of company in different...
Read this article
 
Term of the Day

scientific method

1. Problem solving: Step-by-step approach consisting of (1) identifying and defining a problem, (2) accumulating relevant data, (3) formulating a tentativehypothesis, (4) conducting experiments to test the hypothesis, (5) interpreting the results objectively, and (6) repeating the steps until an acceptable solution is found.
2. Sciences: Rigorous, systematic approach, designed to eliminate bias and other subjective influences in the search, identification, and measurement orvalidation of facts and cause-effect relationships, and from which scientific lawsmay be deduced.
Learn more about this term
Usage Example
The advertising team used a very thorough process of the scientific method to determine if its ads were effectively reaching the customers.
FacebookFacebookTwitterLinkedIn
 
Friday Quiz Challenge
Test your knowledge of this week's terms
Question:
This is a helpful measurement that can shed light on how volatile a stock is based on historical data.
Choose the Right Answer:
 
Featured Article

Developing a Winning Strategy

Coming up with a strong, winning strategy for your company should be the backbone of your business plan. Strategies for each kind of company in different...
Read this article

Facts That Were Already Proven False By Science

MYTH: The sun is yellow. 1 You'd be forgiven for thinking the afternoon sun looks yellow — but the light it gives off is techn...